I am Feeling Sad !!!!!!!!!!!!!

What is sadness ? To me it was one which defines a sublime state of mind. Yes indeed i stand by my definition and find myself dislodged from my current state of mind. But i intent to answer, Am i responsible for this feeling ???
No !!!!!!! I am not my reasons inline:

1. Weather - Its been 7 Days i.e. a week straight gone pouring, engulfed with heavy clouds , darkness paving way to confinement in house. Resulting in leisure work from home least realizing encouraging lethargy.

Remedy - I prayed to god for a better weather turned down my request for his selfish deliverable to the planet earth.

2. Emotions - Thought to pamper myself with indulging in some shopping and pull strings to keep myself busy from the lowness mounting to engulf me.

Remedy - Confided about it to the ones who meant the most in this world , but got nagged and made accountable for debts over happiness.

3. Authority- Went to ask for something which was indeed my right, but nudged down without keeping in respect my emotions and my happiness. Repetitive schedule- Has been prolonging for now more than six years.

Remedy- Tried to convey, was taken wrong made to believe that i am a human who is insane. Who is above the lords of human desire and happiness. So was asked to keep quite and shut because i am not the one who can demand materialistic happiness because i have attained Nirvana.


For once i felt i left myself, for once i felt i forgot myself, for once i felt encouraging ignorance to my happiness, for once i felt i cannot be selfish, for once i felt i cannot be materialistic, for once i felt i cannot afford to think for my own being.

I let loose- I take with today , some learning of being myself first, me first, my desires, my wants, my thoughts , my happiness
I need to pull myself together to keep away from a day which i faced today. I have to believe in myself have to now think of no other than the word "ME" :)

Today’s Market, Falling indexes, Falling Companies --- “where is my Job “

I have probably been one in thousand unfortunate lot to graduate in a era which made a history in itself, i.e. Financial Crisis.

I remember my first lecture in Jan 2008, when my professor from the finance department came to share his views and experiences, with a class who thought no less than giving any famous entrepreneurs or corporate honcho a run for their money. His words inline

“ Students who take finance, are the ones who remain decision makers for life. Because you control the world, economy, capital and drive the forces of engagement within the corporations”.

Having heard this, I got so elated that I landed up calling my mom to tell her my feelings which probably Neil Armstrong would have missed to convey on July 20 th, 1969. With this my mom rejoiced some sense of happiness which I was unable to prove since my 23 years of existence.

Then life paved its course, for once I thought I was pulling up in studies and attaining all the virtues which could fetch sincere love from my folks. I was enjoying my stay in the US and what a better place than to charm in the streets of New York. Looking at those tall skyscrapers I felt and wished to earn a seat on the top most floor of the Empire States. With this feeling my classes sailed its course and I curbed to be a laborious student for once, thinking that I will get my fruits one day.

On September 16, 2008 I received a mail from a company, saying that we have selected you and offer you an opportunity as an intern. Though I was in the middle of the class but could not hold my emotions and landed up leaving the class to confide my feelings with my mom. For once I felt happy and proud, so to treat myself I thought of not getting back to the class and wait for my friend outside, so that we could walk back to our house together.

This day bought some happiness for the moment but never speculated to be one which will not only change the destiny of my future but will affect the whole world. Yes !!!! this is the day i.e. Sep 16, 2008 when the great investment firm Lehman Brothers Inc. collapsed. At that time it was just a good source for our term project to talk about, but with due time companies were filing chapter 11, and the economy was dooming. This also affected our career fair and could find myself listed for no companies coming down to our college.

This was a small experience to share, but the truth is even after completing more than a year the major capital markets, and indexes have not bounced back. There were speculation on touching the bottom and rising, but I fail to understand on touching the bottom yet. The ADP job count has stagnated and have shown no space for new recruit. The bonuses have been slashed and consumer sentiments is still depleting.

Where is the economy heading, people say things are getting better -“BUT I YET TO SEE IMPROVEMENT”